Vicar’s Blog
Dealing with Grief
That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight, I'm
Losing my religion [REM]
I want to look at the story of the raising of Lazarus [John 11:38-45]. It starts much earlier than the reading might suggest. For starters Jesus knew that Lazarus was ill, perhaps even dangerously ill. A message had got to him from Martha and Mary the sisters of Lazarus and close friends of Jesus. So what did Jesus do? The message was clear, come, come quickly Lazarus is very ill.
I am reminded of those now long gone messages that you used to hear on Radio 4 long wave usually when on holiday in
You might remember the tone of such messages, they usually went something like this ‘Will the son or daughter of such a person holidaying somewhere in mid
I often used to wonder what would happen if I was the one they were trying to contact as one of my parents or brothers might be as they put it dangerously ill – a euphemism for dying. What any ‘normal’ person would in such circumstances is head straight back home as quickly as possible.
However, Jesus when he hears what’s happening decides to stay a further two days with his mates. Strange isn’t it. The two days are over and Jesus turns up at the home of Martha and Mary only to find them grieving in their own way. One, blaming Jesus for not being around when he could/should have been and if he was then perhaps Lazarus might not have died. The other sister is busies herself doing the household chores. The scene is very touching and poignant.
The two sisters are coping with grief in their own ways – one blaming God and the other burying herself in keeping busy perhaps with even a hint of denial in her actions. We all deal with grief in different ways – grief can creep up on you and hit you like a sledgehammer.
"C. S. Lewis author of many books on Christianity, a noted academic, and probably now best remembered for The Narnia Stories had this to say about grief over the loss of his wife, Joy: ‘Then comes a sudden jab of red-hot memory and all this ‘commonsense’ vanishes like an ant in the mouth of a furnace… .’
Then he describes the sickening moment, so utterly familiar to anyone who opens their eyes and experiences, for a moment, the feeling of waking before reality dawns: ‘I hear a clock strike and some quality it always had has gone out of the sound. What’s wrong with the world to make it so flat, shabby, worn-out looking? Then I remember.’
And then just when you think you’ve got it all sorted –when life seems to getting back to what counts as normality Lewis goes on to say: ‘ … Tonight all the hells of young grief have opened again; the mad words, the bitter resentment, the fluttering in the stomach, the nightmare unreality, the wallowed-in tears. For in grief nothing stays put.’”
For the two sisters in the story read out to us tonight they were grieving – Lazarus, their brother was dead. It was still fresh in their minds. Jesus sees them in their grief and ‘he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled’, v 33.
What happens next is quite remarkable. Jesus himself weeps – it is just recorded simply ‘Jesus wept’: the shortest verse in the bible. There it is in v. 35, ‘Jesus wept!’ I mean, get your head round this, the God of all the earth, the creator of the universe, the one who flung stars deep into space, weeps with the two sisters and the gathered entourage. I take great comfort I this. This is a God who weeps with us.
This is not some remote distant deity who stands aloof from his creation. Jesus is right there in the mud, dirt and grief of human life and he is crying. Crying is an all too common emotion that most experience at the death of a loved one. God is with us.
In anything that threatens our sense of well being God is with us: when we hurt he hurts, when we cry he cries, when we grieve he grieves. We can place our hope in him for he is a God of "unfailing love" and "full redemption" (Psalm 130:7). In his absence he is with us.
And then something even more remarkable than Jesus crying happens – he brings Lazarus back to life. Why? To prove that he could do it? Certainly, the sisters didn’t doubt he could do it. Was it to show off? ‘Here look at me I’m the new miracle worker on the block?’ Was it to impress the onlookers because by now a large crowd had gathered?
It was none of these. Jesus as we have heard was genuinely touched and moved by the grief of the two sisters.
It was to prove that he had the power over death. Death was not the end. ‘I am the resurrection and the life’. He would demonstrate that in the here now, sometimes, God [his father], will allow something from his tomorrow today.
Just as at the end of days all will be raised from the dead so in 1st C Palestine Jesus would demonstrate in the raising of Lazarus what would happen to all in the end times – a bodily resurrection. The ultimate proof of this would be Jesus’ own death and resurrection.
So, however painful our current circumstances, and however agonizing our honest questions—about death, grieving and God, the Christian faith believes that God in Christ is with us and will conquer and transform even that ultimate enemy death. None of us knows the full meaning of death. I don’t know why Keith my best mate at university died through liver cancer in his thirties leaving a wife and young son. I don’t know why my Father died at the relatively early age of 61. I don’t know why my niece died at the age of 19 through cancer.
We need to take comfort at times like this in believing in the power of God over death. ‘When we cry out from the depths, God hears.’ I found the following piece on the internet as a commentary on the raising of Lazarus which I believe speaks to all of us facing death, bereavement and grief.
‘When Jesus seems slow in coming, he is coming nonetheless. And if we worry that it’s too late, Jesus shows that it’s never too late. After we have become convinced that all is lost, when we are ready to concede to death and are seeking only to contain the damage or bury it, Jesus demonstrates that there is no loss, no death, no tragedy, no depth, no power in heaven or on earth on under the earth that can place a person, a situation, or a world beyond God's redemption, beyond the reach of infinite love and abundant life.’
We can therefore confidently ‘cast every anxiety [all our pain, anguish, raging, roller coaster emotions, questions] upon him, because he cares for us’ (1 Peter 5:7). Amen.
Sources used:
1. 'You'll Get Over It' Virginia Ironside. 2.Sarah Dylan Breuer, [Blog]. 3. Daniel B. Clendenin, Journey with Jesus .
November 2009
A poem to the one you love ...
My background is one in science. I did Metallurgy at Uni and ended up as a Reasearch Metallurgist at what was then the British Steel Corporation. This poem appeals to the rational scientist still lurking in me after all these years and the mystical as a priest in that there is a sense of the numinous and transcendent - enjoy!
Robert Wilson
The New Physics
This is my steady-state universe: being here with you.
Time’s not only relative — it’s irrelevant,
And finds no place in the equation
Which holds all things constant.
Here are no variables.
Here the little ticking fiend with the black hands Is an unscientific fancy.
New laws prevail in this new universe:
And so I’m held and circled by this cosmic peace, Suspended in the wonder of your eyes and words.
February 2010
Cash on deliverance ...
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I’m a big fan of Johnny Cash stuff or should I say his more later music under the production of Rick Rubin.
I think under Rubin Johnny Cash released five or six albums and they are simply brilliant. One of the songs is called Hurt. The CD on which this song is found ‘The Man Comes Around’ [2002] contains a version of Hurt in which you can download a video of Cash singing this song against a background of his life told in photographic stills and live footage of some of his performances.
It’s a very moving piece about all the mistakes he made in his life. Success doesn’t necessarily bring inner peace and happiness. Cash was prone to bouts of excessive drinking, violence and drug abuse. He seemed to enjoy a rollercoaster ride with fame. On occasions he was ‘hot’ and there were times where it was a case of Johnny who?
A few things kept him sane: his second marriage, his children and close friends. They helped by being there for him in those tough times. All of this is captured in the film Walk the line with Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon playing 'the man in black' and June Carter [his second wife] respectively.
However, the one constant in his troubled life was his faith in Jesus Christ. He grew up with Gospel songs and had a lively, direct and simple faith in Jesus Christ. He knew that no matter how many times he made a mess of his life he knew there was a ‘deeper magic’ at work in his life. There was no sin that Jesus would not forgive – Jesus was a friend, a constant companion, a rock in the periods when he, Cash, was knocking on Hell’s door.
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
Ultimately, his faith in Jesus is a witness to us all. Cash had all the trappings of a successful life – he really knew the ‘highs’ and he also knew the ‘lows’. It was his faith in a living and active Jesus that brought him back from the ‘dead’ – his resurrected life both personally and professionally lived in Christ was an inspiration to many. Jesus was and is indeed the way, the truth and the life.
In this season of Lent culminating in Easter we also acknowledge the death and celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Life hurts but in Jesus life has a meaning and purpose even though most times we see in a mirror darkly. There’s no doubt that Jesus’ own life and teachings have impacted many and continue to do so today.
At St Luke’s we have a welcome that is genuine and joyful and we offer complete acceptance. Our aim is to build His kingdom community here in Bricket Wood so why not come and help us.
Revd. Mike Rajkovic
February 2010
Elvis is alive and well and shows the way!
What does it mean to be a Christian? How should it affect what we say, do and think? This has been a common theme here at St Luke’s in our recent sermon series on James, Matthew and now Ephesians.
In summary it is to follow a way. Quoting Rob Bell [from his bestseller book Velvet Elvis]: ‘every one of us follows a ‘way’ of some sort or other.
It may be a spiritual way, it might be through what we’ve picked up in our life experience thus far – parents, people we’ve met, whatever; if we are honest with ourselves we are all following a way, and ‘we’ got that ‘way’ from somebody we are all ‘following somebody’.
Rob Bell is the founding pastor of Mars Hill a ‘mega church’ in
For Rob Bell and for many following Jesus is the best possible way to live. He goes onto to say using Jesus as his paradigm …
‘ … being generous is a better way to live … forgiving people and not carrying around bitterness is a better way to live … having compassion is a better way to live … pursuing peace in every situation is a better way to live … listening to the wisdom of others is a better way to live … being honest with people is a better way to live … . This way of thinking isn’t weird or strange; it is simply acknowledging that everyone follows somebody, and I’m trying to follow Jesus.’
Who are you following? In this ‘topsy turvy’ world of ours where might seems right, greed is all too commonplace and where many crave for that fifteen minutes of fame surely it is better and reassuring to follow the way, follow Jesus.
Further, the more you live this ‘way’ the more Jesus becomes real to you and you ‘find yourself living more and more in tune with ultimate reality’ which is God.
Morpheus famously said to Neo in the film The Matrix ‘What is real?’ To follow Jesus is to learn more about what it means to be real.
Jesus, the Bible, the church can only show you the door but you have to walk through it. If we dare open that door - if we are up to walk the talk of Jesus we will find out that it is the best and only way to live.
Finally, Rob Bell summarises the way to live by stating ‘that the way of Jesus isn’t about religion – it’s about reality. It’s about lining yourself up with how things are. Perhaps a better question than who’s right, is who is living rightly?’
The challenge for you and me is … are we living rightly?
Revd. Mike Rajkovic
April 2010