Vicar's Blog
Dealing with Grief
That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight, I'm
Losing my religion [REM]
I want to look at the story of the raising of Lazarus [John 11:38-45]. It starts much earlier than the reading might suggest. For starters Jesus knew that Lazarus was ill, perhaps even dangerously ill. A message had got to him from Martha and Mary the sisters of Lazarus and close friends of Jesus. So what did Jesus do? The message was clear, come, come quickly Lazarus is very ill.
I am reminded of those now long gone messages that you used to hear on Radio 4 long wave usually when on holiday in
You might remember the tone of such messages, they usually went something like this 'Will the son or daughter of such a person holidaying somewhere in mid
I often used to wonder what would happen if I was the one they were trying to contact as one of my parents or brothers might be as they put it dangerously ill - a euphemism for dying. What any 'normal' person would in such circumstances is head straight back home as quickly as possible.
However, Jesus when he hears what's happening decides to stay a further two days with his mates. Strange isn't it. The two days are over and Jesus turns up at the home of Martha and Mary only to find them grieving in their own way. One, blaming Jesus for not being around when he could/should have been and if he was then perhaps Lazarus might not have died. The other sister is busies herself doing the household chores. The scene is very touching and poignant.
The two sisters are coping with grief in their own ways - one blaming God and the other burying herself in keeping busy perhaps with even a hint of denial in her actions. We all deal with grief in different ways - grief can creep up on you and hit you like a sledgehammer.
"C. S. Lewis author of many books on Christianity, a noted academic, and probably now best remembered for The Narnia Stories had this to say about grief over the loss of his wife, Joy: 'Then comes a sudden jab of red-hot memory and all this 'commonsense' vanishes like an ant in the mouth of a furnace... .'
Then he describes the sickening moment, so utterly familiar to anyone who opens their eyes and experiences, for a moment, the feeling of waking before reality dawns: 'I hear a clock strike and some quality it always had has gone out of the sound. What's wrong with the world to make it so flat, shabby, worn-out looking? Then I remember.'
And then just when you think you've got it all sorted -when life seems to getting back to what counts as normality Lewis goes on to say: ' ... Tonight all the hells of young grief have opened again; the mad words, the bitter resentment, the fluttering in the stomach, the nightmare unreality, the wallowed-in tears. For in grief nothing stays put.'"
The two sisters were grieving - Lazarus, their brother was dead. It was still fresh in their minds. Jesus sees them in their grief and 'he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled', v 33.
What happens next is quite remarkable. Jesus himself weeps - it is just recorded simply 'Jesus wept': the shortest verse in the bible. There it is in v. 35, 'Jesus wept!' I mean, get your head round this, the God of all the earth, the creator of the universe, the one who flung stars deep into space, weeps with the two sisters and the gathered entourage. I take great comfort I this. This is a God who weeps with us.
This is not some remote distant deity who stands aloof from his creation. Jesus is right there in the mud, dirt and grief of human life and he is crying. Crying is an all too common emotion that most experience at the death of a loved one. God is with us.
In anything that threatens our sense of well being God is with us: when we hurt he hurts, when we cry he cries, when we grieve he grieves. We can place our hope in him for he is a God of "unfailing love" and "full redemption" (Psalm 130:7). In his absence he is with us.
And then something even more remarkable than Jesus crying happens - he brings Lazarus back to life. Why? To prove that he could do it? Certainly, the sisters didn't doubt he could do it. Was it to show off? 'Here look at me I'm the new miracle worker on the block?' Was it to impress the onlookers because by now a large crowd had gathered?
It was none of these. Jesus as we have heard was genuinely touched and moved by the grief of the two sisters.
It was to prove that he had the power over death. Death was not the end. 'I am the resurrection and the life'. He would demonstrate that in the here now, sometimes, God [his father], will allow something from his tomorrow today.
Just as at the end of days all will be raised from the dead so in 1st C Palestine Jesus would demonstrate in the raising of Lazarus what would happen to all in the end times - a bodily resurrection. The ultimate proof of this would be Jesus' own death and resurrection.
So, however painful our current circumstances, and however agonizing our honest questions-about death, grieving and God, the Christian faith believes that God in Christ is with us and will conquer and transform even that ultimate enemy death. None of us knows the full meaning of death. I don't know why Keith my best mate at university died through liver cancer in his thirties leaving a wife and young son. I don't know why my Father died at the relatively early age of 61. I don't know why my niece died at the age of 19 through cancer.
We need to take comfort at times like this in believing in the power of God over death. 'When we cry out from the depths, God hears.' I found the following piece on the internet as a commentary on the raising of Lazarus which I believe speaks to all of us facing death, bereavement and grief.
'When Jesus seems slow in coming, he is coming nonetheless. And if we worry that it's too late, Jesus shows that it's never too late. After we have become convinced that all is lost, when we are ready to concede to death and are seeking only to contain the damage or bury it, Jesus demonstrates that there is no loss, no death, no tragedy, no depth, no power in heaven or on earth on under the earth that can place a person, a situation, or a world beyond God's redemption, beyond the reach of infinite love and abundant life.'
We can therefore confidently 'cast every anxiety [all our pain, anguish, raging, roller coaster emotions, questions] upon him, because he cares for us' (1 Peter 5:7). Amen.
Sources used:
1. 'You'll Get Over It' Virginia Ironside. 2.Sarah Dylan Breuer, [Blog]. 3. Daniel B. Clendenin, Journey with Jesus .
November 2009
A poem to the one you love ...
My background is one in science. I did Metallurgy at Uni and ended up as a Reasearch Metallurgist at what was then the British Steel Corporation. This poem appeals to the rational scientist still lurking in me after all these years and the mystical as a priest in that there is a sense of the numinous and transcendent - enjoy!
Robert Wilson
The New Physics
This is my steady-state universe: being here with you.
Time's not only relative - it's irrelevant,
And finds no place in the equation
Which holds all things constant.
Here are no variables.
Here the little ticking fiend with the black hands Is an unscientific fancy.
New laws prevail in this new universe:
And so I'm held and circled by this cosmic peace,
Suspended in the wonder of your eyes and words.
February 2010
Cash on deliverance ...
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I'm a big fan of Johnny Cash stuff or should I say his more later music under the production of Rick Rubin.
I think under Rubin Johnny Cash released five or six albums and they are simply brilliant. One of the songs is called Hurt. The CD on which this song is found 'The Man Comes Around' [2002] contains a version of Hurt in which you can download a video of Cash singing this song against a background of his life told in photographic stills and live footage of some of his performances.
It's a very moving piece about all the mistakes he made in his life. Success doesn't necessarily bring inner peace and happiness. Cash was prone to bouts of excessive drinking, violence and drug abuse. He seemed to enjoy a rollercoaster ride with fame. On occasions he was 'hot' and there were times where it was a case of Johnny who?
A few things kept him sane: his second marriage, his children and close friends. They helped by being there for him in those tough times. All of this is captured in the film Walk the line with Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon playing 'the man in black' and June Carter [his second wife] respectively.
However, the one constant in his troubled life was his faith in Jesus Christ. He grew up with Gospel songs and had a lively, direct and simple faith in Jesus Christ. He knew that no matter how many times he made a mess of his life he knew there was a 'deeper magic' at work in his life. There was no sin that Jesus would not forgive - Jesus was a friend, a constant companion, a rock in the periods when he, Cash, was knocking on Hell's door.
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
Ultimately, his faith in Jesus is a witness to us all. Cash had all the trappings of a successful life - he really knew the 'highs' and he also knew the 'lows'. It was his faith in a living and active Jesus that brought him back from the 'dead' - his resurrected life both personally and professionally lived in Christ was an inspiration to many. Jesus was and is indeed the way, the truth and the life.
In this season of Lent culminating in Easter we also acknowledge the death and celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Life hurts but in Jesus life has a meaning and purpose even though most times we see in a mirror darkly. There's no doubt that Jesus' own life and teachings have impacted many and continue to do so today.
At St Luke's we have a welcome that is genuine and joyful and we offer complete acceptance. Our aim is to build His kingdom community here in Bricket Wood so why not come and help us.
Revd. Mike Rajkovic
February 2010
Elvis is alive and well and shows the way!
What does it mean to be a Christian? How should it affect what we say, do and think? This has been a common theme here at St Luke's in our recent sermon series on James, Matthew and now Ephesians.
In summary it is to follow a way. Quoting Rob Bell [from his bestseller book Velvet Elvis]: 'every one of us follows a 'way' of some sort or other.
It may be a spiritual way, it might be through what we've picked up in our life experience thus far - parents, people we've met, whatever; if we are honest with ourselves we are all following a way, and 'we' got that 'way' from somebody we are all 'following somebody'.
Rob Bell is the founding pastor of Mars Hill a 'mega church' in
For Rob Bell and for many following Jesus is the best possible way to live. He goes onto to say using Jesus as his paradigm ...
' ... being generous is a better way to live ... forgiving people and not carrying around bitterness is a better way to live ... having compassion is a better way to live ... pursuing peace in every situation is a better way to live ... listening to the wisdom of others is a better way to live ... being honest with people is a better way to live ... . This way of thinking isn't weird or strange; it is simply acknowledging that everyone follows somebody, and I'm trying to follow Jesus.'
Who are you following? In this 'topsy turvy' world of ours where might seems right, greed is all too commonplace and where many crave for that fifteen minutes of fame surely it is better and reassuring to follow the way, follow Jesus.
Further, the more you live this 'way' the more Jesus becomes real to you and you 'find yourself living more and more in tune with ultimate reality' which is God.
Morpheus famously said to Neo in the film The Matrix 'What is real?' To follow Jesus is to learn more about what it means to be real.
Jesus, the Bible, the church can only show you the door but you have to walk through it. If we dare open that door - if we are up to walk the talk of Jesus we will find out that it is the best and only way to live.
Finally, Rob Bell summarises the way to live by stating 'that the way of Jesus isn't about religion - it's about reality. It's about lining yourself up with how things are. Perhaps a better question than who's right, is who is living rightly?'
The challenge for you and me is ... are we living rightly?
Revd. Mike Rajkovic
April 2010
Armond's big break!
By the time you read this summer holidays will be a distant memory. For Maggie and I we had our hols a bit later than normal - from Saturday Sept. 4th to the 19th - a sixteen day tour of
We packed in a lot e.g.
On our last day we spent the morning with a guide who showed us around all the famous 'stops' for Oscar night in
The name of our guide was Armond Kinard - remember that name! His card says it all - 'actor, poet and writer'. He said to us that he was writing a final draft for a Sci fi movie, a sort of Blade Runner meets Star Wars, and it was looking good! Armond may the force be with you!
People come to
Humankind's big break came two thousand years ago! A young woman gave birth to child in occupied
'From heaven you came helpless babe
Entered our world, your glory veiled
Not to be served, but to serve
And give your life, that we might live.'
[Graham Kendrick]
His name means saviour of the people. It was a birth so important that we date our calendar after him.
Jesus worked at developing his relationship with his Father and with humankind: it was apparent that that this child was no ordinary child and he grew up to be no ordinary man. He walked by faith and not by sight. He lived by the Spirit and was guided by the Spirit. It wasn't mission impossible but mission possible.
' ... I'm standing next to a mountain
And I chop it down with the edge of my hand' [Jimi Hendrix]
After all what kind of man can do all the miracles that he did, ' ... the blind receive their sight, the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, the poor have good news brough to them,' Luke 7.
It's dificult to comprehend what must have been going through Jesus' mind while he went about his Father's business but go about his Father's business he did. His cry was 'out with the old and in with the new' Mark 1:15; 'follow me' [Mark 1:17] - as one commentator puts it 'the revolution is here! [David Wenham]. You can imagine Jesus saying, 'It starts now, it starts with me; are you in or are you out?'
'Leaves are fallin' all around, time I was on my way
thanks to you, I'm much obliged for such a pleasant stay but now it's time for me to go, the autumn moon lights my way for now I smell the rain, and with it, pain and it's headed my way, sometimes I grow so tired but I know I've got one thing I got to do.'
[Led Zeppelin]
What kind of man can suffer all the insults and misunderstandings he did, die a horrible death through a miscarriage of justice and through a 'deeper magic' rise from the dead and still proclaim that he is all out for us: to give each one of us our first big break.
Well I won't back down. No I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down
No I'll stand my ground, won't be turned around
And I'll keep this world from draggin me down
gonna stand my ground
... and I won't back down
Well I know what's right, I got just one life
in a world that keeps on pushin me around
but I'll stand my ground ...and I won't back down
{Tom Petty]
What kind of man is this? This is Jesus, Yeshua, and the one thing he's got to do is save us from our wrong doings - he is God with us - Immanuel. He is ...
'One King to rule us all, One King to find us,
One King to reconcile us all and in his light keep us.'
[LOTR; well sort of!]
Armond, is still waiting for his big break. Steven Speilberg, Ridley Scott, James Cameron, George Lucas, Tom Hanks, Hugh Laurie, if by some strange twist of fate you are reading this - then wow! and secondly, do please give Armond his big break - he talks the talk and walks the walk!
Jesus is all too ready to give us our big break - he's done all the work that's necessary for it to happen and all we have to do is claim it for our own - this Christmas what are you waiting for?
'All you have to do is to decide what to do with the time that you have left'
[Gandalf, LOTR].
Revd. Mike Rajkovic.
October 2010
An Other Cup?
Recently,when listening to my iPod feeling very sorry for myself, suffering from a rather nasty 'man' cold, I heard this song by Yusuf Islam better known to most of us as Cat Stevens. He converted to Islam some years ago now. Anyway this song 'There is peace' struck me as having some themes in common with the Christian season of Lent and Easter. I quote most of it below: better still buy the album 'An Other Cup' while not as good as some of his earlier stuff [as Cat Stevens] it's not that bad.
'There is peace
you can taste it if you try
There is love
you can live it if try
you can give it if you try
People walk this earth
people rush around
but there is no rest till their hearts bow down
There is a dream
you can reach it if you try
you can make it if you try
I have searched this world
I have seen the sights
But I will not rest till I past the line
There is heaven
you can know it if you try
you can go there if you try
and if god wills it it will be'
We all search for peace, we long for love and to be loved, we fill lives our with all sorts of stuff, some good and perhaps some not so good, we do dream of a better way, and we hope or most of us hope [unlike Christopher Hitchens or Richard Dawkins] that there is more to this life, that there is life after life after death, that there is a heaven and not some sort of 'celestial North Korea' or nothingness or a black hole that awaits us when we die.
At Lent and Easter we ponder those very mysteries in Christ's journey to the cross; a fulfilment of the many promises made to humankind in the Hebrew Scriptures. The New Testament says he is the epitome of love; he knew people were searching for the truth and still are. He said you can dream and dream big, that things don't have to stay the same. It doesn't have to be the same old same old. Christ has seen what could be in store for each one of us and he didn't rest until his task in showing us the way was done.
His mission was to show us a better way of living and dying and if we embrace that way today, then we will begin to understand at least in part that his life is the truth and offers the way to heaven and eternal life.
As Yusuf Islam reminds us in the last stanza, 'There is heaven, you can know it if you try, you can go there if you try ...' . God's desire is that everyone should be a part of this promise.
How? By recognising what Jesus has done for each one of us through his life, on the cross, in his at-one-ment made for humankind, in his resurrection and ascension. He is the way, the truth and the life, not a way, not a truth, not a life but the way, the truth and the life. Choose the cup of life and let your life fill over for him and for others!
'Life begins when a person whispers, "Jesus, today you lead, and I'll follow. Whatever I have to do in my relationships, my body, my health, and my finances are in your hands. I won't try to figure out the rest of my life. I won't try to solve every day. Just today. You lead. I'll follow."
The way to glory is through humbling. The only way to freedom is through submission. The way to victory is through surrender. The way to life is the Jesus way.' [John Ortberg]
Why not come to St Luke's and find out more about this unique individual, Jesus Christ this Easter time - we'd love to see you.
January 2011
Revd. Mike Rajkovic
A Poem 'Who'd a thought it?' for Lent and Easter
I don't normally write this kind of stuff - poetry stuff. I did a long time ago while at St John's College, Nottigham, the well known vicar factory. While studying there I wrote a series of 13 pieces [poetry] as part of an Old [First] Testament essay. Anyway as time went on that way of writing disappeared - the desire went. Since that time inspired by reading Walter Brueggemann, John Goldingay [a former Prinicipal of St John's] both First Testament scholars, prophets and poets and hearing Gerard Kelly at Spring Harvest [anyone who can use Kanye West 'Jesus Walks' video as an intro to a bible study has to be the man!] a while back now, all in their own way, had given me the incentive to start writing again. However, more time has passed and the Spirit beckons [again] and so no more prevaricating, this is it for what it's worth ...
Who'd a thought it? A stable, a manger, a helpless babe, God and man
tiny hands that threw Eta Carinae into space , astronomy 101,
eat your heart out Brian Cox
Who'd a thought it
Who'd a thought it? Shepherds, wise men, and a bright shining star
a father both in heaven and on earth
a mother as Theotokos
Who'd a thought it
Who'd a thought it?
A visit to a temple
a chat with theologians, wisdom, relationship, growing up, learning a trade
no Facebook, no TV, no iPhone
Who'd a thought it
Who'd a thought it?
Going out one summers day
fishers of men the 12 the 70 the 5,000
the to be-attitudes
Who'd a thought it?
Who'd a thought it?
Healing the lame, the blind, the lepers
the marginalised, the have not's, the weirdo's, compassion
the dead are raised, the way, the truth and the life
Who'd a thought it?
Who'd a thought it?
Pieces of silver, a traitor, trumped up charges
a friend, betrayal, a washing of hands,
Who'd a thought it?
Who'd a thought it
Extraordinary rendition,
torture, humiliation, alone, delirious, bewildered
Theotokos remembers and weeps,
a friend remembers and weeps,
God weeps,
Who'd a thought it?
Who'd a thought it?
Dead man walking
the Cross, love wrath wrath love,
forsaken
an event horizon
an absent Father, a present mother,
Who'd a thought it?
Who'd a thought it?
God,
dying son,
suffocating, pain, agony,
Spirit,
sin,
sins forgiven
perichoresis, Economic Immanent,
God with us, Father, Son, Spirit,
in heaven as on earth
Who'd a thought it!
-
'O salutaris Hostia, Quae caeli pandis ostium:
-
Bella premunt hostilia, Da robur, fer auxilium. '
Who'd a thought it
God hanging,
God dead,
soldiers scoff, friends gather, crowd mocks
The Father says, 'Is it nothing to you, all you who pass by?
Look and see if there is any sorrow like my sorrow.'
body abused, cut down,
friends weep,
corpse washed,
cleaned and buried
Who'd a thought it?
Who'd a thought it?
Theotokos thinks 'Too much love will kill you ... every time
Too much love will kill you ... in the end. '
Satan said 'Let's drink to the death of a clown'
Son gone to hell
be back soon
Jesus says to Satan ...
'castles made of sand slip into the sea ... eventually'
the end? not likely
Who'd a thought it?
Who'd a thought it?
I am the way the truth and the life
'See me touch me feel me' be healed by me
'I am the Lord of the Dance'
I am, we are, actus purus
Father, Son and Holy Spirit
Who'd a thought it!
Who'd a thought it?
I did we did we did I did, said God
God laughs tears of joy
a deeper magic is at work
Who'd a thought it?
-
'Uni trinoque Domino Sit sempiterna gloria,
Qui vitam sine termino
Nobis donet in patria. '
And who can odds that!
-
Theotokos means mother of God - God bearer, Perichoresis is simply 'all for one and one for all' [big time!]: it refers to the interrelationship of Father, Son and Spirit. I want to acknowledge the use of O Salutaris Hostia - the words written by, Thomas Aquinas, [1225 - 1274] philosopher, theologian, poet and prophet - I heard the words sung on Jan Gaberek/Hilliard Ensemble's Officium CD. If you haven't heard it then download it or buy the CD - the words/music is fantastic. 'Too much love will kill you' is from Queen. The 'Let's drink to the death of a clown' line comes from The Kinks, Ray Davies, leader of said group , is a very underestimated songwriter, still going strong. 'Castles made of sand ...' is a line from the song of the same name by Jimi Hendrix on the Axis Bold As Love album, 1967. 'See me, touch me feel me' is from the mighty Who and I think the first ever rock opera 'Tommy'. 'I am the Lord of the Dance', is by Sydney Carter, 1963 - I like this hymn a lot but don't tell everyone - you don't hear it sung in many evangelical charismatic churches! The last bit of the poem 'Uni trinoque Domino ...' is simply the second stanza from 'O Salutaris Hostia'.
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January 2011
An Apple a Day - the core argument!
Sorry to get all geeky but in case you hadn't noticed the new iPad 2 is here - whoopee! 'The iPad 2 is much thinner and lighter than its predecessor: in fact, at 8.8mm front to back, it's thinner than the iPhone 4 and rivals Samsung's upcoming super-slim Galaxy Tab 10.1. At 601g for the Wi-Fi version compared to 680g of the previous version it's much more svelte, and when you pick it up the design changes are immediately noticeable.There's a front-facing VGA video camera, and in the corner on the rear, a 720p-capable camera too. One really nice feature about the new design is the new screen cover. Using magnets built into the case of the iPad 2 itself, this snaps neatly into place on the long, left edge of the device. It's self-locating and protects the screen without adding too much to the bulk or weight.
The iPad has a new dual-core 1GHz A5 processor, and uprated graphics. Apple claims "up to nine times" faster performance for the latter - a typically vague statement from Apple - but it again should give games developers headroom to develop even more ambitious titles. What should also add to the gaming experience is the new three-axis gyroscope, allowing finer control for steering in driving games and the like.
The only concern we have is over battery life. Apple claims its engineers have managed to keep its efficiency to the same level as the original, but with a far more powerful dual-core processor and slimmer profile it's hard to believe that the device will last for the 10 hours continuous use Apple is claiming.
But with prices that are set to come in at the same level as the previous version and a design that's lovelier than ever, we have no doubt the iPad 2 will be a huge success' [from PC Pro, March 2nd, 2011 by Jonathan Bray].
What you already know is that there will be another version out in the not too distant future and then another, and another, etc. I've also heard via C 5 The Gadget Show that there will be a new version of the iPhone coming out in the summer that is iPhone 5!
As Grace Slick [what a fantatstic name!] {Jefferson Airplane} reminds us ...
'When the "truth" is found to be lies
And all the joy within you dies
When the garden flowers baby are dead yes
And your mind is full of red
[Oh no not another apple variant!] -
[Don't you need to get a life!] Don't you want somebody to love
Don't you need somebody to love
Wouldn't you love somebody to love
You better find somebody to love' -
Now to the 'core' issue. Instead of a 'thing' to love don't you want somebody to love? There is one constant that doesn't require any upgrades - he is the same
yesterday, today and tomorrow. He works tirelessly for us. He is what he says he is in the Bible, 'the way the truth and the life.'
There is no fee or contract; the price has already been paid. There is no perpetual upgrade, no short battery life, no need to recharge.
He is the alpha and the omega, he is the light that shines in the darkness when all other lights have gone out, he is the beginning and the end, he is the same yesterday, today and forever.
He is of course Jesus Christ. He is 'smart' and available for face time 24/7/52 and lasts not only this life but also in the afterlife!
I can't promise that you will be thinner, faster or lighter but you can have an instant connection with him here at St Luke's, Bricket Wood. It is by 'connecting to him and his way of living that we become truly alive.' We'd love to see you see you soon.
PS If you want to look at a 'humorous' review of the iPad 2 then cut and paste the following link re Youtube - it's not all laugh out loud funny but there are some good moments [iPad 2 Review - Hands On [HD] 17th of February 2011] - it's had nearly 3.7m hits - enjoy!
Mike Rajkovic April 2011
On the Occasion of Bob Dylan's 70th Birthday ... a poem using song titles/excerpts from some great songs of the man!
In Bob Dylan's Dream
There's a girl from the north country
Who lives positively on
J
She sings the subterranean homesick blues
'Buisnessmen, they drink my wine, ploughmen dig my earth'
So let's not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late
Like a rolling stone a hurricane comes
The times are a changin
Lay lady lay
Sheltered from the storm
Saying I threw it all away
Visions of Johanna
are all that remain
Lay lady lay
It's not dark yet but it's gettin' there
said the juggler to the thief
but not yet, not yet
-
Happy birthday Bobby, happy birthday Zimmy - hats off to you!
Mike Rajkovic, May 24th 2011
Poem for Pentecost inspired by Kurt Cobain [of Nirvana fame].,
Mika [Life in a Cartoon World] and
Tom Wright 'The Holy Spirit in the Church'.
'Come as you are ...'
Holy Spirit come,
Come as you are, as you were, as you want me to be.
as a friend, as an advocate, as a comforter.The choice is mine, the invitation is there,
come, come as you are,
as a friend,
heartsearcher,Come as I am,
in the wind, the fire, as the dove, in all my mess.
Make me who you want me to be.
Holy Spirit,
friend,
Come as you are,
as you were,
as you want me to be.
ComeNow I know, if only in part, you are real to me,
you are real to me.
Mike Rajkovic, 8th June
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'London's Burning ... The Absence of Presence and the Presence of Absence ...'
A while ago I did a part time research degree at The London School of Theology. My research looked at evil and suffering and tried in some way to find any answer to the never ending question, Why?
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I read numerous books but one stayed in my memory, Daniel Goldhagen's 'Hitler's Willing Executioners'. The title says it all - it was ordinary people, who had a choice. Many chose to participate in the genocide known as the Holocaust. The Third Reich found its identity in the mass extermination of Jews and mostly, ordinary people stood by and said or did nothing.Martin Niemoller was German U-boat captain during
the First World War. After being ordained a Lutheran minister, Niemoller tried to live a quiet life of a parish pastor. But then came the Barmen Declaration of 1934 [to counter the propaganda and subversion of the Church by the Nazis] which compelled a number of German Christians to form the When Hitler attacked the Jews, I was not a Jew, therefore, I was not concerned. And when Hitler attacked the Catholics, I was not a Catholic, and therefore. I was not concerned. And when Hitler attacked the unions and industrialists, I was not a member of the unions and I was not concerned. When he attacked those on societies margins I was not concerned. Then Hitler attacked me and the Protestant church-and there was nobody left to be concerned.
What choices do we make? Do our choices make us? What's our life worth anyway? What's mine worth? What will people say about me when I die? What will my life have amounted to?'
More importantly what will God think? Will it be mercy or justice when I stand before my Creator? Will God simply look at me and ask, 'Well ... Mike?' [Studdert-Kennedy]
We need to pay attention to the voices through whom God speaks. Do we 'listen' to the prophets, the poets, novelists and preachers, the occasional 'mythic' films, the visionaries and the victims who tell us that life amounts to more than right politics, more than fundamentalism, more than what we acquire, more than who's going to be the next manager of Aston Villa, more than sectarianism, more than Rooney's hair transplant, more than superinjunctions, more than 15 minutes of fame, more than getting even, more than U2's earnings for the past year [what do they do with all that money!], more than Glastonbury, more than Spring Harvest, more than New Wine, more than Greenbelt, more than 'Burning Man', more than whom we know, more than what we think we know, more than the places we go.
There are places in our heart that we shut off from God: we fill our lives with pseudo religon, practise hypocrisy and anything else that stops us from being who God calls us to be. -
"Indeed the safest road to hell is the gradual one - the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts."
"All mortals tend to turn into the thing they are pretending to be."
[C S Lewis, Screwtape Letters]
Last night London and other places were burning! 'In every image of rioters throwing rocks or smashing windows, others are watching them, intervening not at all. Londoners [and others - ordinary people] must ask themselves whether their city/area has slipped into the lazy, shameful habit of looking the other way. Then they must learn to look again. ' [The Times Editorial 9/8/11] -
The Nazgul are alive and well in the 21st C.
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'There must be some kind of way out of here
Said the bystander to the fireman
There's too much confusion,
I can't get no relief.
Arsonist burn and thieves steal,
Cars on fire in the middle of the street
None will level on the line, no one offers help' -
What choices do we make? Do our choices make us? Is it right to say and do nothing? God in Christ calls us not only to orthodoxy but orthopraxy - to right action
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At this time where here in England 'the big society' concept seems to be crumbling all around: the rich get richer, the disadvantaged are 'hacked off', the poor are becoming very poor, where a real hard choice among many of the disadvantaged is to eat or heat, do we, can we, listen to the voice of God speaking through his prophets, through his 'wounded' people, through his groaning creation, through the marginalised, through the victims of violence, arson and vandalism? Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa!
There must be something wrong with me
What it is I can't quite see
I can't seem to do nothing right.
Maybe I need to change my style
Been this way for a long long while
Maybe there's a few things I ought to fix.
Wanna put a little fire in my life
Climb a little higher, did it right
Tired of this ordinary bullshit.
Maybe I need to change my style
Been this way for a long long while
Maybe there's a few things I ought to fix.
Can you teach an old dog new tricks. [Seasick Steve] -
Jim Wallis [prophet, poet, preacher and activist] writes ...'The crisis of our times calls for our conversion. Our structures, values, habits and assumptions are in need of basic transformation. Neither politics nor piety as we know them will effect such a change. Rather a new spirituality is required, a spirituality rooted in old traditions but radically applied to our present circumstances' (The Soul of Politics). [From John Khurt's recent article in Fulcrum]
Can you teach an old dog new tricks? The short answer is yes! St Francis reminds all who call themselves Christian to 'Go preach the gospel and if you must use words'. What is this 'gospel' that St Francis talks about? The gospel or good news is that we should practise personal salvation and social justice, prayer and peacemaking, faith and action, belief and obedience, salvation and discipleship, worship and politics, spiritual transformation and social transformation,[Jim Wallis]. Do something! Make a difference! -
Will it be easy - heck no! Jesus never promised an easy life but that's what makes it so rewarding.
And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again
Cause I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind
So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears
But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck
[The Cave, Mumford and Sons]
So, let's all of us try in some small way to listen to those 'voices', preach the 'gospel', and make a difference in our lives both spiritually and communally, to make the right choices. -
Thanks for taking time to read
what an old man writes
Your time is a valuable thing
And I ain't trying to preach
You probably won't take no advice from me anyways
I'm only passing by
[Adapted from Seasick Steve 'It's a long long way']
Come and worship with us at St Luke's and be part of that difference - be counter cultural. It doesn't have to be the same old same old. See you soon.
Revd. Mike Rajkovic, 18th June [revised 9th August].Finding Grace ...
I was looking in Amazon following a lead on a book about Suffering - I saw a review of the book in the Church Times 'Wandering in Darkness: Narrative and the problem of Suffering' by Eleonore Stump [as you do] and found the following short poem. I think it is relevant to all those struggling to see the light in any siituation especially as we, as a nation, as a people, as a community, as a church, seem to be facing great uncertainity in many areas of life. Also, it is a timely reflection during the month of Novemeber as we have, like many churches, just celebrated [if that's the right word] our annual Bereavement Service and face the coming acts of Remembrance this Sunday [13th Nov].
There is grace, though,
and wonder, on the way.
Only they are hard to see, hard to embrace, for
those compelled to
wander in darkness.
[A poem by an anonymous inmate at Auschwitz: found on a wall there.]
Forbrydelsen: The Killing - a reflection on a parents grief.
I've just caught up with viewing series 1. The series certainly caught the imagination of many here in the UK especially the lead Sarah Lund [the excellent Sofie Grabol], her jumper, and her somewhat obstreperous police partner Jan Meyer.
The series was so successful it spawned an American remake [same title] which wasn't that bad as some make out - it was rather good but not as good at the original.
There are many stand out features to the series but one that I feel needs writing on is the very realistic portrayal of grief as shared by Pernille and Theis, the on screen mother and father, of Nana an 18 year old victim of murder. Can we learn anything from it?
So, what about grief? One reaction is to cry out ...'Where is God? ...
When you are happy, so happy that you have no sense of needing Him, so happy that you are tempted to feel His claims upon you as an interruption, if you remember yourself and turn to Him with gratitude and praise, you will be--or so it feels--welcomed with open arms.
But go to Him when your need is desperate, when all other help is vain, and what do you find? A door slammed in your face, and a sound of bolting and double bolting on the inside. After that, silence. You may as well turn away. The longer you wait, the more emphatic the silence will become.' [C S Lewis, A Grief Observed.]
Many people have tried to explain what grief is; some have even identified certain stages of grief.
Kubler-Ross has identified the following for those facing death:
- Denial (this isn't happening to me!)
- Anger (why is this happening to me?)
- Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)
- Depression (I don't care anymore)
- Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)
Many people believe that these stages of grief are also experienced by those left behind when they have lost a loved one.
In the series you certainly see denial, anger, depression and towards the end of the series some sort of acceptance.
Also, what is apparent in the attitude of the parents especially in the mother is an underlying theme of vengeance/justice - someone has to pay for this horrible crime. Understandably, this aspect isn't in the Kubler Ross stages as she links the stages to the one who is dying. However, vengeance/justice is a sub plot in the series and given the circumstances can be understood even if it does lead to further misunderstanding and unforeseen tragic events.
I would also write that this is a feature in many circumstances where death is from homicide, an 'accident' or where the person dies dies a slow and painful death through illness - usually the anger/vengeance/justice of those left behind is directed at God [and each other] with the result that what little faith those closest to the one who's died have left is thrown back at God with the retort 'how can a living, loving God allow this ...'
This is all too readily explored in a short encounter between the minister and Theis and Pernille as they discuss funeral arrangements. Pernille shouts at the minister something along the lines of 'I don't want my Nana up there with God - I want here with me!'.
'Anger' is directed at God [and anyone who represents organised religion], 'vengeance' is directed at God in that however tenuous that relationship is with the individual[s] it is broken off.
'Justice' is served in a diatribe to God because he has done nothing - an omnipotent God has not protected so he is guilty of indifference and impotence. The bereaved, Pernille especially, denounces God - just like Job's wife, Job 1:9. This excerpt from a poem also sums up the oxymoron of belief in a loving God given horrendous indifferent suffering:
Beloved, we are always wrong,
Handling so clumsily our stupid lives,
Suffering too little or too long,
Too careful even in our selfish loves:
The decorative manias we obey
Die in grimaces round us every day,
Yet through their tohu-bohu comes a voice
Which utters an absurd command - Rejoice.
[W H Auden 'In Sickness and in Health' in Eleonore Stump, Wandering in Darkness, page 308].
A lesser known definition of the stages of grief is described by Dr. Roberta Temes in the book, "Living With An Empty Chair - a guide through grief."
Temes describes three particular types of behaviour exhibited by those suffering from grief and loss. They are:
- Numbness (mechanical functioning and social insulation)
- Disorganization (intensely painful feelings of loss)
- Reorganization (re-entry into a more 'normal' social life.)
Again you could fit the reaction of the parents, Theis and Pernille, into the above categories though again vengeance and achieving justice do not feature.
Perhaps actual vengeance/justice is seen or felt as some sort of closure by the parents. The police don't seem to get it right so they will no matter what the cost.
Which list is right? In my opinion, both of these lists are descriptive of some of the emotions and functions people go through when they lose a loved one though most people don't have the opportunity/desire to exact the vengeance taken by Theis [or Pernille].
Also, like many, I believe that grief like so many other things in our complex lives, can't be reduced to a neat list with absolute definitions, timelines, strategies, goals, and completion dates. Would that it were so easy. The series as it follows the lives of Theis and Pernille [as a sub plot] makes this abundantly clear.
Also, we'll never forget the person we grieve for. Just when you think you might get closure with the funeral, or in this case the internment of ashes, grief comes rushing back. The catalyst in this instance being the open stretch of water close to the burial spot. A scene that should be the perfect place, already picked by them as a family, becomes a nightmare scenario. To Pernille the reason is obvious, the others at the site are confused, she still sees in her mind the photographs of her abused drowned dead daughter trussed up in the boot of car recovered from a local lake. Harrowing grief overcomes Pernille.
When you search the rain for the silver cloud
And you wait on days of gold
When you pitch to the bottom
And the dirt comes down
You cry so cold, so cold
I'm down in a hole, I'm down in a hole,
Down in a deep, dark hole
I'm down in a hole, I'm down in a hole,
Down in a deep, dark hole[Miners Refrain, Gillian Welch]
Theis and Pernille feel the emptiness and loss and it is heart aching and try to deal with it in their own way. The viewer is drawn in - you are in there with them grieving with them.
Feelings of grief may be tempered more with good memories than sadness as time passes, but that isn't to say that waves of raw emotion won't overcome us way after we think we should be done.
What this incident tells us is that there is no completion date to grieving ... let your emotions work through the stages of grief and talk ... talk to someone whether it be a counsellor or a close friend.
We need to give ourselves permission to deal with grief and pain in our own way. Also the wider family needs to allow for differences in dealing with life's tough times. This again is explored as the series continues until the denouement.
I am writing this as a Christian and as someone who sees presently in a mirror darkly. However, I believe there will come a time where I will see face to face and there all my questions will be answered. So I'd like to think that a belief in a loving compassionate God is something I can, however tenuously, cling on to no matter what life may throw at me.
There's story told of that ... "the inmates of one of the death camps decided one day to put God on trial. All day they argued the case backwards and forwards until, as the sun began to go down, the presiding Rabbi reached his judgement: God was guilty and no longer worthy of their worship. As the court broke up the Rabbi turned to the others and said, 'Well, my brothers, who will accompany me to evening prayers?'"
Whether that story is true or not - Elie Wiesel [holocaust survivor] thinks it is for he claims he was there [Jenni Frazer, Sept. 19, 2008 article in The Jewish Chronicle].
It expresses, for me, the sometimes ambivalent nature of belief in God no matter what the circumstances.
Wiesel's own story is written in The Night and I believe you can follow the 'stages of grief' in that slim volume. I believe Wiesel's own journey led him to believe that God did not exist - read it and be amazed.
Pete Grieg in his book God on mute [the best book on prayer - ever!] explores such issues when God is seemingly deaf to our shouts, our cries, and our despairs. He writes the following ...
'But if we hold on to God, even at the grave of everything we ever have believed in, our grief will, in time, turn to gold.
The greatest miracle in the world - greater than any healing or revelation - is the grace unleashed by a life refined through suffering.
It is a grace that was first released when Jesus endured abandonment and death so that the apostles, and millions since, might receive a living hope that can no longer die.
'Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead ... In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honour when Jesus is revealed', [1 Peter 1:3, 6-7].
The key to hope in dealing with grief is realising that no matter how difficult the way we must tread ... Christ comes to us where we are.
The following scriptures Isa. 41: 10 and Psa. 23: 4 remind us that God is with us in our grief ...
Do not fear, for I am with you,
Do not be afraid, for I am your God.
Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will not fear, for you are with me.
Get this: God is with me, 'with me' in power, 'with me in mercy', with me' in attentiveness; with me, so I am unafraid.'
These prayers are a response of faith to the promise and vow of God, that God will stand in solidarity with you, that God's presence is not interrupted, even in crippling grief, even by his perceived Godforsakenness.
So please reflect on this commitment from God that the world cannot understand:
'After we have become convinced that all is lost, when we feel we are utterly crushed by grief seeking only to contain the raw emotion or bury it, God demonstrates that there is no loss, no death, no tragedy, no depth, no power in heaven or on earth on under the earth that can place a person, a family, a situation, or a world beyond his redemption, beyond the reach of infinite love and abundant life.' [Adapted from Sarah Dylan Breuer]
May God give us the grace to be the kind of persons and the kind of fellowship where lives are transformed, and where broken spirits find the strength to hope again! Where anger, vengeance, and justice of the human kind are wrapped up in the eternal mystery of the cross and the cry of dereliction ... 'my God my God why have you forsaken me ...'.
And after the storm,
I run and run as the rains come
And I look up, I look up,
on my knees and out of luck,
I look up.
Night has always pushed up day
You must know life to see decay
But I won't rot, I won't rot
Not this mind and not this heart,
I won't rot.
And I took you by the hand
And we stood tall,
And remembered our own land,
What we lived for.
And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.
And now I cling to what I knew
I saw exactly what was true
But oh no more.
That's why I hold,
That's why I hold with all I have.
That's why I hold.
[After the Storm, Mumford and Sons]
Finally, if we were to be given a Vagn moment, almost the last scene in the final episode, a chance to right the 'wrong' notwithstanding that nothing could bring a murdered daughter/person back to life [not in this world], 'payback', would we seize it or would we trust in justice as the world sees it, [as God sees it], being done?
Would we punish, would we torture, would we kill? We already have and we still do every day ... do we not hear the sound of his shout?
'My God, my God why have you, why has humankind, deserted me ... Then Jesus gave a loud cry and breathed his last', Mark 15:34-37 [bold italics my insertion]: in His absence, in our absence the paradox is that he, Jesus, is with us, with God, he hears the fullness of our cry.
It feels as though I make my way
Through massive rock
Like a vein of ore
Alone, encased.
I am so deep inside it
I can't see the path or any distance:
Everything is close
And everything closing in on me
Has turned to stone.
Still I don't know enough about pain,
This terrible darkness makes me small.
If it's you, though -
Press down hard on me, break in
That I may know the weight of your hand,
And you, the fullness of my cry.
[Rilke, The Book of Hours, quoted in Eleonore Stump, Wandering in Darkness, page 177]
Mike Rajkovic, 25th November 2011
Better than Gold [a talk given on Sunday evening December 16th at the Traditional Carol Service].
Last summer Maggie and I went to Scotland for holiday. Nothing new there. We stayed at a friends house not too far away from St Andrews.
St Andrews is famous for many things but perhaps the university [Scotland's first, founded in 1413] - the one where Prince William and Kate attended and its golf course [the club was founded in 1851] are probably the things most people, if asked, would remember.
However, there was one event that led to an even more important event and it happened on the West Sands at St Andrews - can anyone remember what it was? Well it was that famous scene in Chariots of Fire when you see the athletes running in [slow motion] to the theme by Vangelis. They are in training for the 1924 Olympics.
The film [released in 1981] if you remember centers around two athletes Harold Abrahams and Eric Liddell. To cut a long story short Liddell was entered for the 100 meters but when he found out the final was to be held on a Sunday [the sabbath] he declined his place. He was a devout Christian and doing anything contrary to treating Sunday as a day of rest was not on his agenda. Liddell was presented to various 'bigwigs' of the British Olympic Management Committee including the Prince of Wales in an effort to get him to change his mind but he adamant in his belief and his decision was final.
Instead the film reveals he was entered in the 400 meters taking the place of a team mate. [At this point I showed the YouTube clip 'He who honours God' 4 minutes or so of Liddell in the final of the 400 m]. The 'heats' and final of the 400m were not on a Sunday. As we all know Eric Liddell went on to win the 400 meters in dramatic fashion and against all odds. What is less known is that shortly after the Olympics Eric Liddell went out to China as a missionary and did fantastic work among the Chinese.
When the Japanese invaded China he and other missionaries were placed in an internment camp where he continued God's work eventually dying of a brain tumor in February 1945.
Well, why Eric Liddell? Why the 1924 Olympics and what has this got to do with Christmas and Jesus? No doubt you will have heard that Great Britain is hosting the Olympics in 2012. The main venue is not too far away from here.
I suspect there will be many attending the games [anyone here?] and many more watching on TV cheering Tom Daley, Beth Tweddle, Ben Ainslie, Chris Hoy, Jessica Ennis. Mo Farah, Rebecca Adlington and the rest. Their hopes and dreams are of winning a medal, not just any medal but a gold medal and having the Olympics in London probably represents their best chance with all that home crowd support.
However, on this dark, cold wintry night, when the eurozone is in chaos, 'when the world awaits Iran's next spasm of malevolence, when America's Republican Party is struggling to rustle up a presidential candidate that has the substance of a strawberry milkshake', where Japan is still recovering from the tsunami and nuclear meltdown, where milions are dying of hunger, where youth unemployment in Britain is above a million, the legacy of the August riots still haunt many, where the 'Big Society' idea of our government remains a dream, where President Assad of Syria just doesn't get it, where we are constantly reminded in this Christmas Season to spend, spend and spend again money we haven't really got, where job security for many is just a dream, where bankers bonuses are stratospheric and pensioners struggle to pay their utility bills, where climate warming is joke for some countries, and where for some at Christmas there is loneliness, despair and for others rows.
The media does its best to cheer us up ... at Christmas we have the latest blockbuster, more Strictly, and Dr Who, Emmerdale, Coronation Street, Eastenders, Ab Fab and Downton Abbey Christmas Specials.
Then it's the Boxing Day sales and more sales, and over the course of the next few months diets and paying off the credit card debt.
'However, humans have always sensed there must be something better than the frustrations of life on earth, even though there is also so much to enjoy and benefit from in the world.
William Hazlitt [a sort of late 18th/early 19th C version of the late Christopher Hitchens] said that 'man is the only animal that laughs and weeps, for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they ought to be.' The Bible view is that this longing is because of 'The true light that gives light to everyone' [John 1:9, TNIV], that is, the light of the Son of God. Similarly, Ecclesiastes 3:11 says that God has 'set eternity in the human heart' [TNIV].'
What is it we really long for? I just want to share the following thoughts from an Advent blogger [Lisa Borden 20/12 [24/7 Advent Blog] ...
'We're longing for so many things, but at the most basic heart level [if we are really honest with ourselves], we're longing for love, for relationship. We're longing to know and be known. We're longing for someone to see past our foibles and failures into our true selves and smile at what they find there. We are longing for love, we are longing for a real relationship. So, here we are, a people ... looking for the real deal.
Well, it turns out that God is longing for love too. God longs to have a relationship with us. God's intention for humans was, and always will be, for us to be in relationship with him, a relationship not of fear but of love. God is longing for love with us and so he has acts on his desire: he sent his son. His son is the Word that was with God from the beginning; the Word that became flesh that he might dwell among us. He is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world. Our longing for true love and God's longing to express his love for us, meet in the person Jesus.
In Jesus we know love; in Jesus we have a grace filled relationship. And so it is that our deeper than deep ache for the most real love is actually a longing for Jesus. We are restless until we find our rest in God.'
This is what Eric Liddell staked his whole life on. God made him and us for a purpose. Knowing and living for Jesus was for him more important than the 100m gold medal.
'True Love casts out fear. True Love covers over a multitude of sin. True Love never fails.' Bono in U2's album Rattle and Hum penned it well in his song ... 'Love rescue me'
Yeah I'm here without a name
In the palace of my shame
I said love rescue me
I've conquered my past
The future is here at last
I stand at the entrance
To a new world I can see
The ruins to the right of me
Will soon have lost sight of me
Love rescue me
Well Bono got it part right becasue in the cross Love has rescued me, and you and you and you! All we have to do is accept it. 'For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.' [John 3:16]
love+rescue+
God gives us the us the gift of love, Jesus gives us the gift of eternal life and it is available to all: teenage, middle age or old age, rich or poor, the vulnerable, the hurting, the lonely - no one is outside Jesus' invitation to come and receive. To Jesus we are all an Olympic winner.
As Rob Bell reminds us ... 'Love is what God is, love is why Jesus came, and love is why he continues to come, [day by day, week by week, month by month], year after year to person after person, [and it could be you tonight]. May you this Christmastide experience this vast, expansive, infinite, indestructible love that has been yours all along. May you discover that God's love is as wide as the sky and as small as the cracks in your heart no one else knows about. And may you know, deep in your bones, that God's love, that Jesus' love through his birth, in his death and resurrection, that his love wins.' Love wins! At Christmastide the best present we can give to God is ourselves and acknowledge his presence in our lives. Amen. [I concluded the talk with a YouTube clip ... 'Christmas in a nutshell'].
Sources used/Quoted: Michael Baughen 'The One Big Question', Rob Bell 'Love Wins', The Times, Wikipedia and YouTube.
Mike Rajkovic 26th December 2011
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